BETSY- MY COUSIN MING CHO’S BETTER-HALF

Billy Ming Sing Lee

April 2008

Lucille and I consulted with each other for only 30 seconds before accepting Betsy’s email invitation to attend their 50^th Wedding Anniversary in New York City. Fifty years ago- March 21, 1958 - I was their “Witness” at a most memorable and hilarious City Hall ceremony - conducted by a truly weird-looking, stuttering, and chanting City Clerk. What wonderful friendship we’ve shared since ! Over 50 long years! How can we possibly allow the distance from San Francisco to The Big Apple or a few minor engagements interfere with such an important opportunity for Reunion and Celebration ?

Fifty years ago, both Ming Cho and I shared a small studio apartment on West 91^st Street in New York City. I think he was already working for the famous stage designer, Jo Mielziner, and I was a junior draftsperson at I.M.Pei & Associates, Architects. We regularly had supper together- often at the Great Shanghai and occasionally at some near-by steak houses. But, all of a sudden Ming became pre-occupied in most evenings, and I soon learned that there was some romance going on between him and a lovely Smith College graduate named Betsy Rapport who was a young set and lighting-designer but was making costumes for the New York Shakespeare Festival due to her skill in sewing. She was sharing an apartment with Julia Tucker, whom Ming had known while working for another well-known stage-designer, George Jenkins- Ming as Jenkins’ Assistant and Julia as Secretary.

At this 50^th March 21 party, attended by 50 close friends and relatives, I started the Toasting with many congratulations, but I spontaneously offered an emphatic reminder that “ In my not so humble opinion, my dear Cousin Ming could not have achieved all this fame without Betsy -His Better-half “. I was glad that everybody cheered and Ming Cho was the first one to clap- most appreciatively. Actually, an article by Patricia MacKay for Theater Crafts magazine in Feb. 1984

Designer on Designing – Ming Cho Lee –had already accurately described Betsy as “Just as Legendary, Made things happen, Self-effacing, Taking no credit, and Always refusing to be photographed for Publicity.

“ Making a living in theater isn’t easy “ I again quote Patricia MacKay. To survive as young designers with a growing family in New York City had to be a struggle. Even when one becomes very well-known and highly respected, the financial rewards are not always commensurate with one’s design reputation. Ming and Betsy moved about from one petite apartment to another as each baby was added to their young family. Finally, however, they were able to have Ming Cho’s mother, Auntie Tang Ing’s apartment on East 87 th street, where they set up their studio, worked, ate, slept, held meetings, entertained, and raised their three sons. All of that was basically managed by Betsy while Ming focused on his brilliant design work and his legendary

teaching at New York University from 1967 to 1971 and Yale University School of Drama from1969 to today. .

The amount of work produced from their East 87^th Street Apt. since 1958 is simply awesome.The U.S. Institute for Theatre Technology Inc. produced a monograph presenting Ming Cho in 2006 and listed 278 Production Credits - from Off-Broadway to Dance, to Opera, to NY Shakespeare Festival, to Broadway, to Regional Theatres, to Special Tours etc.. Awards and Nominations were numerous - including a most prestigious Tony Award for K2 and the National Medal of the Arts , presented by the U.S. President from the Oval Office. Betsy traveled with Ming all over the U.S. and to many foreign counties including: Canada, England, Germany, Austria, Russia, Hong Kong, Taiwan, and P.R. China – only skipped Chile and Brazil.

As Ming Cho’s office manager as well as his personal manager, she was with him every step of the way -providing him both important practical help as well as spiritual support. On occasions she even helped in building models.Family management also mainly fell under Betsy’s domain. The three boys were all raised in that famous East 87^th Street apartment- also design studio. Richard V. Sung was born in 1959,

Christopher V. Ning in 1960, David V. Fa in 1963. They all attended top private secondary Schools in N.Y. C. and went on to Occidental College, Hampshire College, and Yale College respectively afterwards. Today, Richard has a music consulting company. His wife, Karen, is a pianist, conductor, and teacher, and they have a lovely daughter Katherine – nickname Katie - ( Lee, Ru Ing ) now 12 years old. They live in Brooklyn very close to NYC. Christopher, still a bachelor, works in film and television in Los Angeles, and David and wife Eileen both work in film- David as a lighting designer ( he lit the famous “Pan’s Labyrinth”), Eileen as a production manager. With their two beautiful children- daughter Oona ( Lee, Ru An ) 6 years old and son Eamon ( Lee, Ru Ming ) 5 years old –they also reside in Los Angeles. All the children and grand children – except Christopher who had to work that weekend – came to celebrate Ming and Betsy’s Golden Wedding Anniversary. Their’s is a beautiful family, full of love and joy. Katie is an absolute delight and most endearing. At age 12, she is also showing surprising theatrical talents as she recently played the role of Annie in her school production. She had to dance, act, and sing, and Ming thinks that she is as good as any he has ever seen chosen for professional shows. In Ming and Betsy’s living room there is also a framed painting of a large pink flower with multiple pedals. That is also Katie’s creative work. It has a child’s touch, but it reveals quite a bit of natural yet subtle control . Oona, at age 6 is winning awards in karate and has just achieved her yellow belt, and Eamon even at 5 is passionate about art. Our Lee Family should take notice. Maybe several more Lee Family “stars” will be budding in the future.

Ming and Betsy are definitely Liberal Democrats - contrary to Ming Cho’s father- Uncle Tsu Fa- who is a successful and proudly conservative Hong Kong Businessman. Since theatre deals deeply with moral issues in Life and Living, and in human triumphs or sufferings and struggles in a variety of social conditions, both Ming Cho and Betsy are very sensitive to Human-Rights and War and Peace issues. Ming Cho always, gets passionate and emotional when discussing political situations around the world, and he loves to debate endlessly. Betsy generally shares the basic principles but seems to be more pragmatic . In this respect, especially, I consider her Ming’s Better-Half. Indeed, in March 2002 they invited me to join them in Washington D.C. to celebrate the special Medal of Arts Award which President George W. Bush was to bestow upon him and nine other honorees. I heard that Ming was so upset by Bush’s unilateral Iraq war policy that he was considering not to accept the award. But Betsy didn’t think that the award really had anything to do Bush’s foreign policies, and she definitely believed that this distinguished recognition was well deserved. It became clear in her mind that although the President was going to be the Presenter, the award actually came from the American theatre community. The NEA( National Endowment of the Arts ) solicited recommendations from recognized arts professional, made the selections, and forwarded Ming Cho’s name to the White House. In any case, his refusal would be meaningless. His name would simply be dropped and no one would even know he had been nominated. Furthermore she knew that their grand-daughter Katie was really looking forward to this unique opportunity to tour the White House and see the Oval Office. The grandfather agreed and I too enjoyed and appreciated this unique experience with them- at the White House Ceremony as well as that wonderful dinner we had at a fabulous Georgetown Restaurant afterwards.

I was always curious whether their inter-racial and cross cultural marriage ever had difficult moments- either between themselves or caused by the society surrounding. According to Betsy, “ In those days (the 1950s),marriage into any Chinese family, special or otherwise, COULD have been a problem for both of us, As it turned out, both families were completely accepting, as far as I know. Ming’s mother welcomed me with open arms as did the rest of the immediate family, and I have always felt as accepted as any other would be. I know my family loved Ming. Of course, I had to learn to cook Chinese food, but cooking is my great joy, and with a teacher like Haubu ( Ming’s mother Auntie Tang Ing ) that’s incredible ! “

Betsy further elaborated: “ We were lucky. There were places we didn’t go together, particularly

in the South , but we lived in a city ( N.Y.C. with so many immigrants from different countries) and in a professional community where we were accepted as is. I know this hasn’t been true for a lot of people, but neither one of us felt as though we were breaking new ground or that we were putting ourselves on the line in any way . I’m not sure how it affected the kids as they were growing up. You have to ask them. But, as I said, we were lucky. Things are different now, I think. We’ve been to New Orleans, to southern Texas, to Florida, and nobody blinked. “

On their “ marriage as a partnership” and “togetherness”, Betsy wrote me the following: “ Ming and I have always been partners. In work, he is the DESIGNER , and I am the MANAGER, but without either of us, his work could not take place. Certainly he asks what I think about a certain look, but in the end he makes the final decisions. Questions on which show to take, how to handle a difficult situation, whom to hire as assistants- these are discussed and we arrive at an agreement. HOUSEHOLD THINGS are a little more complicated. Ming tends to leave those to me, but if there’s a question, there’s a discussion. As to KIDS, everyday things are left to me. However, if there is a serious issue, Ming is always there, and we work it out together.

Regarding 50 years of togetherness, “TOGETHERNESS” is vastly over rated – everyone needs time to themselves at some point. And anyone who thinks marriage ( or any partnership ) doesn’t take constant work, shouldn’t embark on it. That said, being a Half of a working whole is worth everything it takes, and I wouldn’t exchange it for anything ! “

Actually, it is my observation that Ming has always been Affectionate, and Adoring towards

Betsy, but Betsy has given back much more – and often with willing self-sacrifices. Betsy – her formal name is Elizabeth - was born in Cambridge, Mass in 1934. Her father, Dr. David Rapport was the Department Chairman and Professor of Physiology at Tufts University Medical School and also ran the Research Lab. Her mother, Jean Simpson Rapport, taught secondary school mathematics at Shady Hill School ( Cambridge, Ma.) and Beaver County Day School ( Brookline ) . Both Cambridge and Brookline are considered part of the large Boston Area.

Betsy also shared the following with me :

“ My father was an active participant in my early upbringing. He taught me the finer points of French cooking. We hiked often in the White Mountains together. He taught me to swim, and to know the differences between the various trees that grow in the Northeast. He also taught me that, even as a Woman, I could do anything I wanted as long as I was willing to put the effort into it. “

“ Ming as a father reflects his own upbringing. When the kids were young he was somewhat distant. The idea of playing with them or taking part in their school activities embarrassed him. He was there when there were serious discipline problems, and we always had dinner together and talked then, but by and large he left things to me. He feels the same way about his grandchildren. He loves them very much, but he doesn’t know how to deal with them until they get a bit older. “

“ Although I was born in Cambridge and went to school there, the best part of my life was spent in the country in Maine. I’m comfortable with wild-life in the form of deer, porcupines, field mice, bats, and birds, as well as flies, mosquitoes, ants, and bees . Some of them are nuisances, but they don’t frighten me. I caught and played with garter snakes and painted turtles. Of course where I came from, none of those things carried typhus or typhoid. Ming finds it difficult to understand why I would love a place where I could have a garden and get my hands dirty. In the U.S., farmers go to college, and farming is an honorable pursuit, something that is not part of Ming’s understanding. I ( used to ) sit on the grass. Ming has always needed a chair to keep him slightly away from it. For him, nature needs to be screened. For me, it’s not real unless I’m part of it – can touch it “.

I also learned that Betsy made other sacrifices. As a gourmet cook she does not do fish , since

her husband does not like fish too much, and she also has to skip her own favorite – lamb chops -

for the same reason. But her reputation as a great cook is well known among friends and relatives and Thanksgiving Dinner at 12 East 87 Street is an annual event – a Feast and Celebration –

which the close family group habitually look forward to. Their FAMILY consists of intimate

friends from work, from teaching, and relatives, some with and some without actual blood-connections. Thanksgiving is a major production by Betsy ( besides their famous annual “Clam Bake” or Design Portfolio Review ). To her, Thanksgiving is the only holiday that has no religious or ( especially) commercial baggage. It is a celebration of the harvest, about the gathering the family for a celebration of being together and eating good food together. It’s Betsy’s Favorite Holiday.

Since the purpose of my writing this article is to support cousin Ming Chung and cousin Ming

Xian’s effort in producing a publication- honoring their mother as well as introducing more Li/lee Family members to each other , I feel that Cousin Betsy -Ming Cho’s Better-Half should be properly introduced. As all us Li/Lee Family members “ borrow light “ from our cousin Ming Cho “ – the brightest beacon in this generation of Li/Lee s, we indeed owe much to Cousin Betsy – Ming Cho’ Better-Half !